We're Together like Leather, Forever...

“We’re together like leather, forever”

You slipped away without a good-bye

Tears I hold in but I cannot hide

You left so suddenly leaving me wanting to say so much

But more than anything I long for your embrace or even your touch

The pain in my soul feels like a vice that is constricting any peace I may seek

It leaves me wounded and paralyzed and completely weak.

I hold to the hope that you will be there and we’ll be together,

Finally after so long, “We’re together like leather, forever.”

I watched as your family struggled through their sadness and pain

The memories of your love for your girls are all that remains.

I saw the details that were executed with precision and class,

from the colors of your flowers to the most uplifting mass.

I saw you but did not want to remember you this way,

But I saw that you looked peaceful where you lay.

I made a promise that I intend to keep and never sever

Until we can finally meet again when “we’re together like leather, forever.”

Your best friends, your brothers stood as knights surrounding you with love and eternal strength,

Shrouding me with the love I always wanted to feel from you but you always kept me at arms length.

You have always protected me from your world

For you always saw me as your baby sister, a little girl.

But I long stopped being a girl about 10 years ago when I moved out on my own.

I used your lessons in life and grew a skin as thick as stone.

I know you are protecting us from here to wherever,

For “We are together like leather, forever.”

You have left this Earth in your hasty farewell,

We will always have the memories for us to share and tell.

But until we meet again my brother, always remember,

“We’re together like leather, forever.”

Laura Hidalgo

Behind words...

The power of words can either make you want to read it or not. It really is that simple; so why is it that writing is a lost form of art? I mean honestly I think that I might have lost my ability to write script or cursive depending who you are and I think my penmanship is dismal at best. Truly I have never believed that our advancement in technology could in fact be holding us back.

With the years of social networking, have we lost our ability to truly socialize amongst others? I know when I walk in my neighborhood and I say good morning depending the time of of day, my neighbors look at me like I am some foreigner? Yes I live in New York but I mean do we really have to so anti-social? I miss the good old days where you saw kids playing and riding their bikes and have squirt gun fights. Where they weren't afraid of drinking water from a water hose and 3DS, Playstation, and Xbox were futuristics anomaly's.

What I regret most as I have grown up was that I never participated in a penpal. Waiting for a letter in the mail from a person across the globe but in the end these things are archaic in many peoples eyes. So what next? Is our society doomed to be so dependent in the technology that it will be our only form of communication or can we still be functional society that knows how to communicate with one another without words behind a screen? Give me your thoughts and opinions.

Cheers!

MsJourneyWrites

Reflecting...

I may not understand a lot of things as many others but I understand my feelings. Granted I suppose being so in tune with ones fallacies pretty much makes you a spectacle in various observations; however, I find that the flaws in a person build character. I am mourning and I cry in the shadows, in the corner, under the covers, when I am in the shower, and when I am alone. I cry. The overwhelming emotions that flood my system is like oxygen in my lungs and the iron in my veins. I cry. I don't expect people to take pity upon me or offer words of encouragement for I am human. I cry. I cry when I can't find answers, when I want to give up, and when I feel I am doing a dismal job as a parent. I cry. I have my stubbed my toe to the point of tears, I have caught a cramp and buckled due to the pain, I have fought in subways and the after affect of the adrenaline leaving me sore, but never have I cried when I found out my brother had passed on.

On May 18, 2012 was my brother's memorial service he was to be cremated and his ashes would be with his beloved wife. I recall walking into the funeral home and for a brief glance I saw his profile in his casket. Lord I felt that the air left my lungs and it slapped me in the face with a powerful resonating earth shattering reality check. He was gone. He is there and I saw his profile.  Lord did I cry. I could not bare to walk any further nor did I want to remember my brother in this state. The image would surely be burned into my subconscience and I would never remember him alive. I walked briskly to the restroom and collapsed on the floor of the ladies room and cried. He was gone and I cried. The next hour was a blur of emotions and tears and hugs and comfort that people who loved us and him, try to give me felt foreign because all I wanted was his hugs and comfort. He was gone and I cried. When they announced that they wanted the immediate family and they were going to close the casket, I was rocked straight from my world being unbalance and off its axis for the past 6 days. Slowly ever so slowly I made my way toward my brother. His wife was holding him and saying her goodbye. Her tears glisten her flawless complexion and she wore the overgrown Arizona Cardinals jersey over her frame was the comfort she needed. She ran her hand through my brothers hair and kissed his forehead and she cried. The love of her life was gone and I cried. He was gone.

My beautiful niece kneeled before his casket and she gave me strength to approach beside her. I remember seeing my brothers stiff hands as his wedding band sparkled from the lights overhead. He was gone. I saw my father say his goodbye; he grabbed my brothers fedora hat that was to be with him for all eternity, placed it upon his head and he spoke - "Hey old man; I brought you to this earth and I shall see you out. I will take care of your family for they are my family. I love you my beloved son. You have made me so proud." He replaced my brothers hat and hugged him but I saw my brother stiff arms come loose from his closed hands and slid across his lap next to his hip. He was really gone and I cried. I then approached and saw my brothers face for the first time and I gasped inwardly, the make up they had on his face was evident but he didn't look like I had expected. Sure I was scared stiff of seeing him like this but as I reflect now, he looked peaceful. He looked like Andre and he was gone. "Andre I promise you that I will make you proud and I will be happy. I know you were worried about me but I promise I will be happy. I love you so much and thank you for protecting me always. Goodbye." I ran my hand through his soft dark raven hair and place a kiss on his forehead. I remember how hard and cold his forehead felt beneath my lips and it was then and there, he was gone and I just said goodbye. I cried.

Why I hate bullies

12 Year old East Harlem boy driven to suicide because of Bullying. I have read these articles numerously and I just don't understand why? Why are children so merciless and cruel? This child's mother went to the extreme to protect her child and the bullies prevailed by driving her son to commit suicide. In realization of her sonsdeath, she intended to take her own life using the knife she use to cut her sons rope that he used to hang himself.

Sensei Tirelli and Naiya 

As a mother of 2 children, my daughter Naiya was a victim of bullying. I spoke with her teachers and they reached out to the parents. I just couldn't bare the idea that my child could suffer the fate of this child, so last November I enrolled her at Tiger Schulmann's mixed martial art in Yonkers. It was Sensei Tirelli that gave my daughter confidence to stand up for herself and stop the bullies from picking on her.

Honestly, this wasn't enough in my mind, I couldn't bare to see another child bullied and so I talked to my General Manager about doing an ANTI-BULLYING campaign in our local school district. I worked with Sensei Tirelli who was on board in participating in the joint effort in stopping bullying from our schools. So in effort in stopping Bullying, at my job, Westchester Toyota, we want anyone: our friends, fans, and loyal readers to tell your school about our ANTI-BULLYING CAMPAIGN. We want you to voice that WE NEED this in our schools so there won't be another child like Joel Morales who had to take his own life to stop the bullies. Please E-Mail me if you would like for me to send our campaign idea so you can forward it to your local school board.

Cheers!
Ms. JourneyWrites

MsJourneyWrites

Mourning and grieving while having regrets

Left to right: Andres, Mom, ME, Dad, and Carlos

On May 12, 2012 my eldest brother passed away at 9:07PM MST. It was Midnight Mother's day in New York, and I remember having my phone on silent and when I awoke that day I went about preparing mother's day cards and gifts for my sis-in-law and mother-in-law and my daughter gave me her mother's day card and it warmed my heart, my beloved fiance gave me his mother's day card and made me breakfast. It started out as a wonderful morning.

Andres Fernando Hidalgo Age 2 years

Around 10:23AM EST, my fiance tells me: 'you should call your mom and wake her up and wish her a happy mother's day'.  I smiled and I thought sure I haven't woke up my parents in a while, would be funny. I grabbed my phone and when I saw that I had missed 16 calls from my father, to my brother Carlos, and the most alarming was my niece Kimberly. I looked at my fiance and I told him how many missed calls I had, he tried to reassure me that it was just my family wishing me a happy mother's day but when I saw they spread from the hours of midnight until the early hours of that very morning, I knew something was amiss. I called and when my father picked up the phone I tried to think positive when every nerve of my body was acknowledging dread, fear, and anguish. "Mija, no se como te puedo decirte esto, pero se los murio tu hermano" in translation Daughter, I don't know how to tell you this but your brother died. 'QUE!' I remember saying which means what and then the next question came but which and how? When he told me that Andres had passed away. I felt the world fall off its axis and the call was cut off after hearing my fathers frantic cries. I was crying hysterically and couldn't believe he was gone. My oldest brother, Andres, was gone.

Left to Right: Andre, ME, Carlos

It took but moments for me to buy a one way ticket to go to Arizona from New York, I then went to the store bought clothes for the funeral and things I would need there. The hours until my flight that very night were drawn and when I arrived at the airport, I was alone distraught and lost. Overall, I was racking my brain on the last time I was with my brother. I couldn't remember try as I may, I still can't remember. When I moved back to NY the year before, I had left without saying Good-bye to a single soul in my family and drove in the 4 day trip with my fiance and 2 children. I didn't speak with my brother Carlos for a year and my brother Andre called a few months prior. He told me he loved me and I told him that I loved him, we didn't discuss why I moved but I was reassured that he loved me.  It was the only thing I was holding on to, but then came the regret. How does one deal with regret while grieving your love one?

Andres Fernando Hidalgo
September 18, 1973 - May 12, 2012

Truly, it has been the most difficult part of this journey, no pun intended, and I still don't know how to get rid of the emotion I continue to feel. I am so mad at myself for not reaching out to my brother, to getting to know my brother on a deeper level as his friends. My brother left behind his beautiful and loyal wife of 15 years and 3 gorgeous daughters from the ages of 25, 13, 4 years of age. And I am so very depressed that I cannot find the way of forgiving myself for my selfishness. My children will never know their uncle because of me. My brother will never know how much I loved him because of me. And overall, he will never see me happy as he always wanted because of ME.
There are no words that I can read, nor embraces that I can feel and grasp that is even settling this anguish I am feeling. In truth, he despair alone lets me know that I am alive, the regret lets me know the air exist, and the tears allows me to know that its real. He is gone and I don't know how to get passed this vice that is constricting my very soul.  I am alive for my family but a feel that a piece of me has died too.

Lonely

I haven't felt so lonely in a long time. Sometimes I feel that I am so insignificant that what I do doesn't even have purpose; and yet I keep trucking forward. I live in the "Big City" and I use to love it, but it doesn't have its appeal anymore. I left to make a point and guess what I don't even think it was worth it? Sure I was able to learn how to be independent and for what? Now I am lonely. Yes I have my family, my husband and kids, but I have no friends and bonds. I don't know my neighbor, and I don't even have my own home. I am living day to day and its slowly making me feel more and more depressed. What is the point? Okay that was my rant... Onward and keeping moving forward.

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